Hey Mamas, God is Interested in You
“That’s what love does - it pursues blindly, unflinchingly, and without end. When you go after something you love, you’ll do anything it takes to get it, even if it costs everything.”
As I sat down to get my 500 written words in for the day, I was feeling adrift. Which half-started blog post do I tend to? Do I dare have a look at the book on courage I am writing? I’m four chapters in, by the way, and feeling more afraid with each word that I type.
I have a routine before I attempt to write. First, I boot out all the internal mental critics claiming prime real estate in my brain. Then, normally, I turn off my phone. But today, for some reason, I forgot to silence the tyrannical device and as I was in an imaginary arm wrestle with the inner bully that tells me my writing is a waste of time, a little notification popped up on my phone from my friend, Wendy, in Australia.
Wendy and I haven’t actually seen each other for about thirty years and were even out of virtual contact for many years as well. But in the past few months, in wonderful ways, we have been reconnecting by reading each other’s blogs and leaving voice messages on our messenger apps. Lovely. The main thing you need to know about Wendy, besides being hysterically funny, is that she is a fearsome prayer warrior. I can give her a prayer request and she will come back later, sometimes weeks later, with an insight that leaves me jaw-dropped and often in tears. Good tears.
And today, just now, was one such moment. A few weeks ago I had asked Wendy to pray for my kids in specific ways. Of course she did which was a massive encouragement. I was coming to the end of the voice memo sans tears, for a change when, wham, she said these words: “I want to know how you’re doing in yourself as well. You’re on my heart which must mean that you are SO on God’s heart. If He’s putting you on my heart then you are even more on His heart. I love you, my friend.”
Despite my best effort, the emotions came. It may not sound like much but this has been the theme that God has been pursuing me with for the past several months. He is interested in me. Not just my family. Not just those I’m praying for but me. I have heard it said and taught many times over the years that children growing up in the church aren’t ‘grandfathered’ into the faith. They just don’t inherit salvation and a walk with Jesus. They need to have their own encounter with the living Christ personally and learn to nurture that, within Christian community, but also apart from the micromanaging of their parents and youth leaders. But as a mom of over 23 years, I’ve been realizing that so do I.
My identity as daughter before God is preeminent. It comes before wife or mother. And needs to be cultivated as well. I had been pouring so much of myself, including spiritual energy into my kids that I was shocked when I sensed the Holy Spirit say “stop” several months ago. It wasn’t a stop to praying for my kids or investing in them in the beautifully unique way you can when they are young adults. But it was a call to come to Him in the quiet contemplative prayer that is required to get to know Him on an intimate level: Father to daughter.
There was a time where I would not have shared the private details of my prayer life but, let’s face it, we are well past that point around here so I will let you in on a little secret of mine. Normally I am not one to journal my prayers but for the past two years I have been journaling, what I like to call, “bedroom prayers”. This is how it goes. If I am left alone in my house for over an hour I will take my specific pretty little green journal and move around the house to each person’s bedside and pray for them. Even my daughter who has moved out. I start at my husband’s bedside and move along.
It has been an incredible blessing to me as I write down bible verses that come to mind for each of them and as I, occasionally, look back to see how prayers have been answered, promises revealed. Sometimes it is heart aching as I become aware of the same requests being made for over two years with no answer in sight. But I keep going.
Recently, though, something different happened. I was preparing to go away with my husband for the first time in three years. I was vacillating between excitement and dread. Going to the Caribbean with my husband was a thought too wonderful to bear but the idea of leaving so many people that needed my support was overwhelming as well. It was days before we were to leave and I knew that I was going to have several hours alone in my home which meant I had time for bedroom prayers.
But as the people drifted out, one by one, to work and school and commitments, I felt weird. The anticipation to pray in this special way had become something I looked forward to but this day I was feeling conflicted and agitated. I tried to ignore it and was plowing ahead with my plans; finish this task, write these emails, then go get the green journal. Now my chest was feeling tight and I couldn’t even finish the emails so I paused to pray. “Lord, what is going on?” And then the strange thought, out of nowhere, came.
Your bedside. That was it. My gracious Father was calling me to my bedside. Just me. In all these bedroom prayer sessions, it had never occurred to me to go to my bedside and spend time in prayer and communion on my behalf. Before I even had time to head towards my green journal (I love it so much. It has a soft sage green cloth cover with flecks of gold) the tears just started flowing.
In two years, it had not entered into my head that the God who, so clearly, is a pursuer of His people and one who chases after hearts, wanted time alone with me; a bit of time where I was not interceding for the needs of others. Some time where He wanted to breathe life into my being; yes, a revealing of hidden sins, but also His delight over me as His daughter. “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” (Zephaniah 3:17)
As someone who is not only a mother, but also someone with the tendency to march off with a head full of self-confidence and big plans, this call to sit at the feet of Jesus and just be still has been so difficult. The ability to receive from the God who delights in us and “exults over” us is a monumental challenge.
I believe this is why Paul prays in the book of Ephesians for us to be strengthened in deep ways in order to receive His love: “For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:14-19)
Because I am a slow learner, He has been reminding me in various ways of this truth. He is relentless in His pursuit. I am just about finished another pass through the bible. This time it has taken well over a year but that’s ok. Again, the theme of a God who is keenly interested in an intimately personal relationship with His created beings echoes loudly throughout the pages. Through narrative and poetry.
Through ugly stories of blood and death to beautiful and courageous triumphs, the thread is woven from beginning to end. He wants to restore the prize of His creation. Us.
Whatever stage or season of your life. Wherever you are in your Christian journey. However old your kids are. Even if you don’t have kids. Invest in time at His feet. Please do not stop your intercession for others, for a world that is aching for the hope of salvation. But don’t forget to start with coming to Him with open hands and with the expectation that He will fill them. He will fill them with His goodness and also with purpose. He is interested in you. Before the achievements, good behavior, or successful parenting. Before the failures, disappointments, or bad parenting.
Jesus is saying, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.” (Revelation 3:20) He is very interested in you.
