Elicia and Don't Get Stuck in a Moment
“And if the night runs over
And if the day won’t last
And if your way should falter
Along the stony pass
It’s just a moment, this time will pass
”
“It’s OK. She’s only in grade four.” It wasn’t just the words that came out of the teacher’s mouth; it was the lighthearted, yet grounded, way she stated them. She spoke calmly, deliberately, intentionally and her words hit me in a profound way. I remember inhaling so deeply and staring back at her so intensely that she just threw her head back and laughed, declaring, “This isn’t the rest of her life!”
The reason for the conversation in the first place was the fact that my daughter was seriously struggling with grade 4 math. My husband and I had been trying to help her at home and Mrs. H had been patiently working with her at school but math remained, and remains to this day, an unruly beast invented to torture her.
At this moment, what Elicia was saying to me may not seem terribly jaw-dropping. But considering these were the years where I was still gripped with striving, this simple statement was more than just assurance, it was a large, healthy dose of perspective.
Prior to this year, I had been homeschooling my four kids for five years. Add to that some dead-weight baggage of a kind of messy childhood. Essentially, I felt I had a lot to prove. Every area of my life: wife, mother, job, exercise, cuisine, etc, was an opportunity to display my worth and value to the watching world.
When Elicia chatted with me in the school hallway at the end of the day with grade 4’s and 5’s running around, shoving homework and half-eaten sandwiches into their backpacks, I was completely overwhelmed. And a side-effect of overwhelmed that nobody warns you about is that you feel stuck in this one moment and overwhelmed will convince you that this is it. This is as good as it is going to get. I was certain that the myriad of struggles and fears I was living with was going to be my reality forever and that failure was inevitable.
Essentially, what Elicia was giving me that day, along with perspective, was hope. With a few tiny words she reminded me that the story is far from over. Perspective: a tired, old word that seems to fade into the background. But I would encourage you to ponder its meaning. Lean into it and take a bite out of it.
After six months of a pandemic, the mental and emotional toll is becoming palpable at best and tragic at worst. While the path to solid mental health is varied and complex, I have come to believe that fighting for perspective is a crucial element. It means that we step away and walk around our present circumstances in order to give them their proper place.
Instead of hiding in the dark cave of our present moment, we step out of the cave to have a look around only to discover that there is a big world out there. There is good firm earth. There is a beautiful creation with trees and creeks and fresh air. There are people who can speak truth and comfort and others who need us to be a source of strength.
People have chosen a variety of ways to achieve perspective; traveling, being alone to just think, reading, self-talk, sharing experiences or life stories. In the past several months a strategy that I have found effective in pulling me out of the covid/civil unrest/global destruction cave has been to read world history. It was an idea that came from a person younger and wiser than me; spend a bit of time each day reading history. I was very skeptical at first but it has proved to be a wonderful breath of fresh air.
I am constantly reminded that my reality is a minuscule part of a much grander narrative. Through war and heartbreak, there has also been beauty and victory. There have been tyrants and coups but also heroes and just rulers.
You may find it strange to learn that for the past week my favorite moment in world history to read about is the Spanish Flu. For some reason, the similarities with our current time in history have given me perspective and, consequently, hope.
During the Spanish Flu, there were: debates over whether or not to wear a mask, conspiracy theories, politicians using it for their own personal gain, smart leaders, good safety measures and effective restrictions, stupid safety restrictions, leaders with their head in the sand, scapegoating, excuses for racism. Sound familiar? But it ended. The Spanish Flu didn’t last forever. When someone describes our present reality with restrictions and lockdowns as the “new normal” I tend to recoil a wee bit. No, it is a moment. Yes, this moment may last a year or two but it will end.
Whether you’re in the throes of raising little ones, educating your children from home, educating your students through zoom, trying to survive financially while the economy takes a beating, this moment will not last.
While I’m a long way from that moment with Elicia in the school hallway that smelled perpetually of wet running shoes, I remember it so vividly because it was the first lifeline that started me thinking in a radically new way. This, whatever this is for you, is not it. The story is not over. Many years have passed and this daughter who battled with grade 4 math is excelling in her area of study and flourishing in her chosen hobbies. She is strong, lovely, and independent. Mrs. H, you were absolutely right. That wasn’t the rest of her life.
